Is it possible to use meditation to be a happier mom?

Those of you who know my story know that I am obsessed with all things yoga. And while the physical practice has offered me stabilizing strength and flexibility, it was the more spiritual aspects of yoga that has made a massive impact on my life.

I was able to address challenges on the mat in such a way that allowed for clarity off the mat.

I incorporated breath into my practice that served as a foundation for all stressful moments in my life moving forward.

The adage of “practice makes perfect” certainly rang true, for everything that I experienced on my mat gave me a greater understanding of myself off of it.

Life after baby was no different.

Those of you who are moms know that having kids is by far one of the most challenging (if not the most challenging) things we will do in our lives. And perhaps one of the hardest things about being a mom is the fact that we have no idea what the heck we are doing.

Each decision we make, from what sheets to put on the bed, to what type of bottle to use, to when to ween off breastfeeding, is given more thought and judgment than how we planned to talk to our first crush (and heaven knows that took quite a bit).

Constant self-judgment, though done in the spirit of happy and healthy kids, eventually takes its ultimate toll on us: we become worn down with a feeling of being a total failure.

Enter meditation.

Let me be clear. I am not asking you to meditate for hours on end, forcing yourself to have no thoughts. That, I have found, is quite impossible – and perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions of meditation (that is, in my humble opinion).

I believe that meditation is less a “clearing of the mind” and more a directing of your thoughts.

When you are overwhelmed by our world of motherhood, and the self-doubt is palpable, a consistent meditation practice can be helpful to reduce anxiety and allow for a clearer idea of what you should do next. By directing your thoughts, you are creating space – space for less judgment and more happiness.

Meditation to be a happier mom

Whenever you can create space in your mind, the rest of your world doesn’t look so dark. The little things like realizing you have poop on your arm right after you drop the kids off at daycare or finding marker on the wall doesn’t send you off the edge quite as fast.

You stop being the “quick-draw mom” cocked and ready to fire at the smallest inconvenience.

So what do you do? 

First, pick an area where you have doubted yourself. Examples could be breastfeeding or struggling to connect with your toddlers. 

Sit or stand wherever you are and close your eyes.

Prep your meditation by taking a handful of deep breaths, counting to four on both the inhale and exhale. (Note: most of us breathe only into our chest; be sure to breathe into both your chest and belly.)

While you are prepping, direct your mind to scan the body for relaxation – dropping the shoulders, relaxing the face, etc.

Return to natural breath and begin to focus on the area you selected at the beginning of this practice. 

Direct yourself to disengage from that challenge. Imagine it’s a friend or a co-worker who is going through this, and not you. 

It may take a few breaths to get this distance but stay with it.

Once you can look at it with that small amount of distance, realize that despite that challenge, you have a child who is thriving, happy, and fulfilled.

Now, allow an affirmation to take the place of judgment. Some examples are: I am strong. I am capable. I have what it takes to be a _______. 

Honestly, it wasn’t until about five months ago that I was able to incorporate a consistent meditation practice. Even so, I don’t spend much time on it. There are some days that I do it in the car between drop-offs or right before I head through the door at work. A practice like this doesn’t require loads of time, because God knows none of us have loads of time to give.

All it needs is an intentional and purposeful decision to see it through. 

Also, I should note that there are many days that I try my very hardest to see this practice through to the end, but I just can’t make it past the separation portion. I get stuck. 

And that’s ok. I know that no matter what, even that small attempt is training my brain to believe that I am not my challenges. I am not a failure as a mom. 

I am grounded.

I am strong. 

I am kind. 

I am courageous.

All my love and support,

❤️️  Elle