In a society so greatly weighted in the importance of achievement, it is easy to believe that achievement is the only way to measure self-worth. And while there is nothing wrong with achievement we must be careful not to put all our eggs in that basket. Below we will explore three ways to develop internal self-worth rather than base it on the opinions of others.

Yesterday, my son was crying about the fact that we were picking up groceries from the store and not going inside. What’s a trip filled with cookies, and a ride in a grocery cart that looks like a race-car is a much different experience for mom.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not THAT big of a deal to grocery shop, but this week I was tired and just didn’t want to do it.

Hence, curbside pickup.

We were sitting in the parking space dedicated to curbside pickup and he realized what was happening and lost. his. mind.

It’s hard being 3 1/2.

And then: “There are tears coming out of my eyes!”

He was done. There was no coming back from this.

I smiled to myself and said, “I know bud, you’re crying, and when you cry tears come. Just wipe them away, it will be ok. Then, it dawned on me that he was getting upset about the result of something he was doing. Sure, his reason for being upset was valid, but still, it was his decision to get upset about this or not.

How often do you get upset about something that was the result of a decision you made? Do you own that result or do you blame it on others? Do you make excuses for said result?

As a constant pursuer of growth, these are the questions that run through my head regularly. They are the uncomfortable ones that force me to pull back the veil and reveal my character for what it really is. It requires vulnerability. It requires strength.

The Problem of Other People’s Opinions

When I have conversations with others who are struggling with this part of their lives, its because their focus is external rather than internal.

They are focusing on what others see in them and not what they see in themselves. Ultimately, the opinions of others define their self-worth.

The problem: Other people’s opinions of you are created through the lens of their own inadequacies.

The Solution is Self-Exploration

So how do you begin to turn from defining your worth by other’s opinions to defining your worth by who you are?

1. Realize that your mistake does not define who you are. How you react to your mistake does.

2. Be clear about who you desire to be. If you want to be known as a person of strength than begin to take action toward this:

Admit your faults when you make them.

Search for times you judge others for their actions and ask yourself why. Often times judgment comes from a lack of understanding, inadequacy, or shame.

Take actions toward creating better health and wellbeing for yourself.

3. Create rituals in your daily life that confirm the belief that you are worthy. Self-care often comes to mind when I’m speaking with clients about this, but it goes further than making time for pedicures and bubble baths (though these are both important).

Read books that challenge you to grow in some way.

Incorporate a daily meditation practice to stay quiet with your own thoughts and invite personal vulnerability and healing.

I know it is so much easier to measure our worth against the opinions of others. And, believe me, most people will have no problem offering you advice on what you should or shouldn’t do or how you should or shouldn’t act. But remember that this advice and not based upon who you are but on who they are.

All my love and support,

❤️️  Elle